The doors have been closed leaving the material girl and her superstar baseball player friend out in the cold while her thirty adopted children and his three remain protected by an elite religious educational group, the Kaballah University, which binds it’s congregants to the Jewish religion in a graduation ceremony.

The story did not start here and now.  Seven years ago Mrs. C Rod filed for divorce from her faltering Mets team player husband, at the time the most highly contractor player in the league, Mr. A Rod.   Despite a disputed pre-nuptial agreement, the then couple’s net worth was reported to be in excess of three hundred million also producing three children in their five year union.  Grounds cited by the petitioner, Mrs. C-Rod, included extra-marital affairs, alienation of affection, lack of performance on the field and in the marital bed, excommunication from the church by which they had been married, interference by religious sects and others into parental matters as well as petitioning the court for punitive damages for breach of contract and lack of performance in the amount of one billion dollars.   When the matter was finally settled, earlier this year, the net result was that the three Rod children (one child having been adopted by Mr. A-rod during the divorce) will receive in equal share the full valuation of the couple’s net worth, about seventy million each, which excludes legal fees already removed from the portfolio.  Mr. A and Mrs. C Rod have each received a stipulation from the court to forever after live apart and from the proceeds their children wish to bestow upon them once the children are emancipated at 18 years of age.  Until that time, Mr. and Mrs. Rod are on their own accord without any funding available to either of them derived from the proceeds of their years together.

In effect, the couple’s net worth was removed from their control and placed into the hands of a custodian to their children.  The Kaballah University’s parent organization in a separate filing petitioned the court for custodial rights citing the stability of the religion as the primary reason for custody coupled with the courts finding that the degree of intervention this sect demands was in the best interest of the children, has been granted physical and financial custody.  The three children will live in a home previously donated by another former member that has thirty-four bedrooms, three bathrooms, a study hall, a chapel, a dining room and a maid’s room on four acres in an undisclosed location. Missing from this home is a place for Mr. or Mrs. Rod, or any other, to stay over in order to visit.  Also to note in the ruling the home provides for more than the three bedrooms to be occupied by the Rod children, and one bedroom for a caretaker, with thirty bedrooms earmarked for the adopted children of another member the Kaballah University has also become guardian for.

In another court ruling made earlier this year, the material girl, with a personal net worth of about double the magnitude of the Rod’s net worth, was charged with parental negligence and received the same stipulation as Mr. A- Rod whereby her thirty adopted child, and one natural heir, share equally the full value of her net worth, about forty million each.  Excluded from the rulings was Madonna’s former husband, Mr. Ritchie who is not a student at the University, as well as custodial arrangements for her natural heiress, Lourdes, both who’s where abouts remain unknown but suspected to be in the African jungle.

Material Girl Forgot What it means to live in a Material World

When Madonna entered the Kaballah University, and later when Mr. A- Rod enrolled as well, the two each signed a contract they apparently neglected to read or perhaps not translating correctly.  Additionally, after several years of study both partook in the commencement rituals, Mr. A-Rod first being circumcised reportedly when many of their celebrity friends were invited to a party, known amongst Jews as a bris. Having fulfilled the educational, contractual and physical rituals the two were converted to Judaism sometime in early 2010. 

Legally they were bound until it come undone.

The combination of signing the contract, finishing the education and performing required rituals indoctrinated the members into the faith and in so doing called for strict adherence to the traditions, customs (in the highest and purest form) and to uphold advice dispensed by the rabbis.  Apparently this is the kingpin for the two having fallen from grace.  In separate rabbinical court trials the two were found guilty of an array of offenses including, but not limited to disobeying the Ten Commandments; the start of a long laundry list.  Following her lead, Mr. A-Rod and the material girl erroneously mistaken media attention as adequate detergent for all the dirt did not come out in the wash and the two were customarily regarded as dead, ceasing to exist within the religion. 

The Kaballah Center wished to release the following statement to the press:
”We are a serious people who have lived through years of persecution mainly due to our deep commitment to G-d and by following the laws and customs prescribed from generations ago.  Those who come to seek shelter and counsel are welcomed, so long as they can adapt to the accepted codes and rules of conduct as well as strict Jewish law.  Those who can not must be sent about their way so as to not pollute our environment.  We are deeply saddened to lose any member.  G-d help their souls.”

In a separate matter, the Kaballah University has released the names of other notables who’s applications for admission have been placed into a purgatory sort of file including Britney Spears, Tom Cruise,  Peter Cook,  Michael Lohan, Rush Lindbaugh, and Flava Flav.